Best Crime Story of the Decade

 Posted by on 25 July 2013 at 2:00 pm  Crime, Funny, Love/Sex, Self-Defense
Jul 252013
 

This story just keeps getting better as you read: Man acquitted in romantic bear-spray squabble:

A San Francisco man was acquitted Thursday of breaking into his ex-fiancee’s house and assaulting her new lover before getting sprayed with bear mace by a shirtless neighbor. Jurors deliberated for just three hours before finding Christoper Hall, 31, innocent of the two felonies.

The “chaotic and confusing” night began on March 25 when Hall broke off his plans to marry his 34-year-old fiancee, said Deputy Public Defender Phoenix Streets. The two had met in a hacky-sack circle in early February and announced plans to marry just two weeks later, Streets said. But the relationship quickly turned tumultuous, Streets said, and the pair broke up on March 25.

Hall took his few possessions and moved out of his fiancee’s home and into a tree at Mclaren Park. But as Hall climbed the tree and attempted to sleep that first night, he became cold and returned home, Streets said. Hall’s former lover was not there, so Hall “curled up under a tarp under the woman’s backyard bushes,” Streets said.

Around 10 p.m., the woman, who had been at the movies with a “new male friend,” returned home. The man “happened to be a former U.S. Marine with extensive combat training,” Streets said. As the woman and her new friend talked in the kitchen, they heard noises outside and decided to investigate. The woman armed herself with a knife while the friend grabbed a frying pan, Streets said.

As the pair approached Hall, he looked up and began yelling and running after them, Streets said. “As the woman closed and locked the door in Hall’s face, his hand went through the window pane,” Streets said. Hall opened the door and grabbed the Marine, demanding to know who he was. The pair fell backward and scuffled for 90-seconds, Streets said. The Marine eventually put Hall in a headlock and encouraged him “to take deep breaths and relax,” Streets said.

During the fight, the woman fled and told a neighbor that Hall was going to kill the Marine, Streets said. The neighbor “ran out of his house shirtless and armed with an aerosol can of bear repellant,” Streets said. The group hauled Hall outside, and he kicked the door, prompting the neighbor to open the door and spray Hall in the face with bear mace, Streets said. Hall then picked up a rock and hurled it at the door before fleeing the scene, Streets said. He was arrested several hours later.

Streets said that jurors did not convict Hall because they did not find Hall’s ex-fiancee to be a credible witness. The Marine also suffered no apparent injuries, Streets said. “There was no doubt Mr. Hall had a terrible night, but this case was grossly overcharged,” Streets said. “You cannot commit a burglary if you have the right to be in a building. Mr. Hall had paid rent, made improvements to the house and still had some of his belongings inside.”

Hall was facing seven years in state prison for the felonies. He was found guilty of misdemeanor vandalism.

My favorite bit — and admittedly, it’s a hard choice — is when the guy moves out of his house and into a tree. Oh hippies, I love you so much.

Why Weiner’s Wiener Matters

 Posted by on 3 July 2013 at 10:00 am  Character, Evil, Love/Sex, Politics, Sexism
Jul 032013
 

On June 16th’s Philosophy in Action Radio, I answered a question on whether people should care about the sex lives (and sex scandals) of politicians. My basic view was that sexual misconduct reveals a politician’s moral character, as well as poses security risks.

As for the first claim about moral character, if you’re unconvinced, just read this NY Times article and weep: For Women in Weiner Scandal, Indignity Lingers. The basic story is this:

Anthony D. Weiner’s improbable campaign for mayor of New York City is a wager that voters have made peace with his lewd online behavior, a subject he has largely left behind as he roils the race with his aggressive debating style and his attention-getting policy proposals.

But for the women who were on the other end of Mr. Weiner’s sexually explicit conversations and photographs, his candidacy is an unwanted reminder of a scandal that has upended their lives in ways big and small, cutting short careers, disrupting educations and damaging reputations.

The article then details the ongoing ordeals suffered by these women due to their sexual conversations with Anthony Weiner. Undoubtedly, these women exercised poor judgment. They deserve to suffer the ordinary consequences of that — such as broken or damaged romantic relationships. They do not deserve years of media intrusion, nor endless malevolent jokes.

In contrast, Anthony Weiner is taking the whole matter in stride:

On the campaign trail, though, he mixes contrition with wittiness. Not long ago he cracked a joke about his use of social media. “You know how much I trust Twitter,” he said at a candidate forum.

Ah yes, levity. That’s just perfect. (NOT!) Here’s more, including a good bit of moral insight from a porn star:

A number of the women remain angry with Mr. Weiner — arguing that, after taking advantage of his political devotees, he is now drawing them back into the spotlight.

Ginger Lee, a former star of adult films who communicated with Mr. Weiner online, has pleaded with him not to run for mayor. “Every new headline and news story about him reminds reporters and bloggers that we exist, and the cycle starts all over,” she said in a statement released by her lawyer. “There will be a new flare-up of jokes, inaccurate statements and hurtful remarks.”

Everything about this ongoing episode reveals important facts about Anthony Weiner’s character, most notably that he doesn’t give a damn who he hurts in his quest for political power. His contempt for women is glaringly obvious. He’s not a man fit for political office, whatever his political principles. No decent person should want anything to do with him.

Alas, too many people are willing to overlook all that because he’s on “their team.” *sigh*

P.S. If you’ve not heard that 16 June 2013 episode of Philosophy in Action Radio in which I talked about the sex scandals of politicians, you can listen to or download the relevant segment of the podcast here:

For more details, check out the question’s archive page. The full episode – where I answered questions on the meaning of life as the standard of value, broken relationships, the morality of an armed society, the sex scandals of politicians, and more – is available as a podcast too.

More on Arranged Marriages

 Posted by on 6 June 2013 at 10:00 am  Love/Sex, Marriage, Relationships
Jun 062013
 

As y’all know, I answered a question about arranged marriages on the 19 May 2013 episode of Philosophy in Action Radio. In reply, I got the following fascinating comment from an Indian fan of my radio show:

Your answer to the arranged marriage question was stellar! You were bang on target about the fact that a low divorce rate is not inherently good, if that is caused by a social stigma attached to divorce — which only means more people are stuck in a marriage. I grew up in India, and saw it a lot.

I would love to see you answer the follow-up question that you brought up at the end, namely that — is it okay to marry a person who I like and respect, but not love in a deep sense if I don’t think I will find a such a person? When and under what circumstances is it appropriate for a person say — I don’t think I can find someone who I will deeply love — and settle for someone whom he respects and thinks could be a good partner for the rest of his life? What factors should go into such a decision — age, location, etc?

I’ve seen lots of arranged marriages in my life, including my sister. I think they make a good pair, if not a great one. Their personalities are compatible and I can envision them respecting each other and being great partners in the journey of life. Given that I was and am continually exposed to arranged marriages, I am glad to see this issue discussed!

Initially, after discovering Ayn Rand’s ideas as a teenager and as a young adult, I was pretty rationalistic about them and was SURE that they did not work. They did not love each other before they were married and they cannot love each other after they simply get married dammit! But the more I saw couples in an arranged marriage, the more I started to doubt my certainty. I saw that both the guy and the girl were happy about the fact that they were together. I cannot speculate how deep their love for each other was, but they were happy that they shared each others company, and I could see that.

I would have shared the segment on facebook and twitter but that would mean a lot of love loss between me and all my Indian friends who have done arranged marriages! I at least wanted to write you a note to say that that was a great answer.

If you’ve not yet heard it, you can listen to or download the relevant segment of the podcast here:

For more details, check out the question’s archive page. The full episode – where I answered questions on individualism versus anti-social atomism, poor communication from the boss, visibility of disabled children, arranged marriages, and more – is available as a podcast too.

Also, the follow-up question mentioned — “is it okay to marry a person who I like and respect, but not love in a deep sense if I don’t think I will find a such a person” — is now in the queue.

May 252013
 

Here I am, doing research in preparation for tomorrow’s discussion of open relationships on Philosophy in Action Radio with Miranda and Arthur. ;-)

Join us… for the show, that is… there’s no more room on the couch!

P.S. Yes, I’m having too much fun at ATLOSCon!

Jason Stotts on Polysexuality

 Posted by on 23 May 2013 at 10:00 am  Love/Sex
May 232013
 

Way back in December 2010, I answered a question on Polyamory Versus Monogamy. In response, Jason Stotts, a friend who blogs on sexual ethics, challenged some of what I said via private email. Since then, I’ve been wanting to revisit the topic… but I’ve been a bit hesitant to do so because I want to do it well.

On Sunday’s Radio Show, I’ll take the plunge, in that I’ll be answering a question on “open relationships.” Yikes!

If you’d like to read a bit more on the topic, I’d suggest that you start with Jason Stotts’ revised essay “On Polysexuality.” Here’s his summary:

Our language related to sex must be expanded to capture all of the variations that we see in real life. And we need to understand this because sex is good and a valuable part of a human life. The way we structure our relationships and sex lives has a lot of optionality that depends on the people in the relationship and can include multiple loving relationships or multiple sexual relationships, the right way for any particular couple may not be monosexual monoamory, and this would be fine because polysexuality and polyamory are natural and can be perfectly moral choices. As long as we observe some simple guidelines, leaving societally structured relationships and constructing our own can help us to live the best kind of lives possible.

I’m not sure that I’ll agree with Jason’s views, but I think the essay is worth a good look.

Ideas for First Dates

 Posted by on 14 May 2013 at 2:00 pm  Advice, Friendship, Love/Sex
May 142013
 

Many moons ago, shortly after I published my podcast on Finding Good Prospects for Romance and Friendship, Stella Zawistowski sent me this set of excellent ideas for first dates, particularly geared toward city-dwellers.

  • If you live near a college, university, or especially a conservatory for the arts, be sure to get on the school’s mailing list or check posted schedules regularly for free or low-cost performances. You’ll frequently find Shakespeare, dance productions, recitals, orchestra concerts, and sometimes even opera.
  • Ballroom dance studios often offer free or low-price guest nights to attract new students. You can enjoy the free beginners’ lesson, then apply your new skills dancing with your date for the rest of the night.
  • Many pubs and bars offer trivia nights. You and your date can be a two-person team.
  • Some bars and restaurants offer themed wine-tasting nights.
  • Picnic in the park. Bonus points if you make the food yourself and/or have a dog that likes to play.
  • Follow dinner or drinks with board games instead of a movie.
  • In the summer, many cities have food festivals or street fairs that it’s fun to browse with a date.
  • If you and your date are sports fans, try minor-league or college games. Minor-league baseball is a particularly fun date, and usually costs the same or less than a movie ticket! If there’s no minor-league team in your area, catch a game at a sports bar.
  • Go on a hike (but don’t pick too strenuous a trail; you want to be able to converse with your date).
  • Visit your local zoo or botanical gardens to enjoy nature harnessed for man’s enjoyment.
  • If your city has a Time Out magazine, subscribe to it (or visit timeout.com) to find all kinds of events.
  • Many farmer’s markets offer free or low-cost cooking demonstrations. See how a dish is made, then buy the ingredients, go home and prepare it with your date.

Any other ideas? Post them in the comments!

If you’re interested in purchasing the podcast, that’s still available for just $20. You can find more information — and purchase it — here: Finding Good Prospects for Romance and Friendship.

The Importance of Kissing Before Marriage

 Posted by on 16 January 2013 at 10:00 am  Love/Sex, Marriage
Jan 162013
 

WARNING: If you don’t kiss before marriage, this might be your fate:

I don’t want to imagine what the sex was like. *shudder*

More seriously, I think that advocating or practicing abstinence before marriage is not just unwise but morally wrong.

Sex is a hugely important part of a marriage. It’s not the kind of thing that should be a surprise on the wedding night — any more than should be future plans for kids or career.

People can be sexually incompatible for all kinds of reasons. Often, that cannot be overcome. In that case, best to discover that — and break up — before moving in together, making a life-long commitment, merging finances, bearing children, and so on.

P.S. On a funny note, check out the comment that someone posted in reply to my post on this to Philosophy in Action’s Facebook Page:

As it happens, I’m most decidedly not ashamed of myself.

Gift Idea: Podcast on Finding Good Prospects for Romance and Friendship

 Posted by on 5 December 2012 at 2:00 pm  Friendship, Gift Ideas, Love/Sex
Dec 052012
 

Earlier this week, a person bought my podcast on finding good prospects for romance and friendship for a friend of his. In the course of our email exchange about it, he told me:

I thought this podcast was really excellent. I liked the way you framed the talk, and I thought you had a lot of really useful suggestions. It got me thinking about how I could stack the deck in my favor when it comes to finding friends and good romantic prospects. I especially liked the section on overcoming shyness.

Hooray! That reminded me that you can give this podcast to a friend or family member — or you can ask for it as a gift. It’s 90 minutes long, and it costs $20.

You can find more information about the podcast below, as well as order it. If it’s a gift, just let me know that (and the email address of the recipient) in the comments field on the order form.

About the Podcast

Many people lament the difficulty of finding good prospects for a lasting, deep, and happy romance. Others have trouble finding worthwhile friends. Yet most people who bemoan the lack of prospects could be doing much more than they are to increase their odds of success. Too many people don’t adopt a purposeful approach but instead wait passively… and complain. This podcast discusses how to make yourself a good prospect — and how to find good prospects — for romance and friendship.

The structure of podcast:

  • Opening remarks
  • A bit of theory:
    • Types of social relationships, visualized as a target
    • Major axes of compatibility in relationships
  • Practical advice:
    • Make yourself a good prospect
    • Expand your social network
    • Engage with other people
    • Cultivate your social skills
  • Questions and answers from pledgers:
    • How can a person get better at evaluating other people’s characters when meeting them?
    • When should I reveal a psychological problem like bipolar disorder to someone I’m dating?
  • Closing remarks

Remember, the podcast doesn’t just concern finding good prospects for romance but also for friendship. So even if you’re happily attached, you’ll likely find the techniques of use.

Purchase the Podcast

This podcast was originally funded by pledges, and it’s now available for purchase for $15. You can pay online via Dwolla or PayPal. Or you can send a check or money order via the US Mail, including with your bank’s bill pay service. If you want to pay by some other method, choose “Other” below and explain in the comments. I recommend using Dwolla: it’s a payment system with lower fees, stronger security, and better interface design than PayPal. A Dwolla account is free and easy to create.

Terms of Sale: You may share the podcast with members of your household, but not beyond that. Do not ever post the podcast in any public forum.

Name:
Email:
Item: Podcast: Finding Good Prospects for Romance and Friendship ($15)
Add a tip? Total:
Payment Method:
Comments/Questions:
I’d love to hear what motivated your purchase in these comments.
 

Once you submit this form, you’ll be automatically redirected to a page for payment. Within 24 hours of the receipt of payment, you will receive an email with information on how to access your purchase. If you have any questions or further comments, please email me at [email protected].

To order multiple items from Philosophy in Action, use this form. To create a recurring tip, use this form.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me. If you’ve already purchased this podcast, you can now access it here with your login and password. If you have forgotten that, just e-mail me.

Nov 072012
 

As some of you might recall, I recorded a 90-minute podcast on “Finding Good Prospects for Romance and Friendship” in June 2010. (Its creation was funded by pledges.) Last week, I moved it over to PhilosophyInAction.com. I’m now offering it for sale for $20.

About the Podcast

Many people lament the difficulty of finding good prospects for a lasting, deep, and happy romance. Others have trouble finding worthwhile friends. Yet most people who bemoan the lack of prospects could be doing much more than they are to increase their odds of success. Too many people don’t adopt a purposeful approach but instead wait passively… and complain. This podcast discusses how to make yourself a good prospect — and how to find good prospects — for romance and friendship.

The structure of podcast:

  • Opening remarks
  • A bit of theory:
    • Types of social relationships, visualized as a target
    • Major axes of compatibility in relationships
  • Practical advice:
    • Make yourself a good prospect
    • Expand your social network
    • Engage with other people
    • Cultivate your social skills
  • Questions and answers from pledgers:
    • How can a person get better at evaluating other people’s characters when meeting them?
    • When should I reveal a psychological problem like bipolar disorder to someone I’m dating?
  • Closing remarks

Remember, the podcast doesn’t just concern finding good prospects for romance but also for friendship. So even if you’re happily attached, you’ll likely find the techniques of use.

Purchase the Podcast

This podcast is now available for purchase for $20. You can pay online via Dwolla or PayPal. Or you can send a check or money order via the US Mail, including with your bank’s bill pay service. If you want to pay by some other method, choose “Other” below and explain in the comments. I recommend using Dwolla: it’s a payment system with lower fees, stronger security, and better interface design than PayPal. A Dwolla account is free and easy to create.

Terms of Sale: You may share the podcast with members of your household, but not beyond that. Do not ever post the podcast in any public forum.

Name:
Email:
Item: Podcast: Finding Good Prospects for Romance and Friendship ($15)
Add a tip? Total:
Payment Method:
Comments/Questions:
I’d love to hear what motivated your purchase in these comments.
 

Once you submit this form, you’ll be automatically redirected to a page for payment. Within 24 hours of the receipt of payment, you will receive an email with information on how to access your purchase. If you have any questions or further comments, please email me at [email protected].

To order multiple items from Philosophy in Action, use this form. To create a recurring tip, use this form.

Praise for the Podcast

The response to the podcast has been very positive, including the following remarks:

I can’t tell you how valuable I’ve found your podcast on romantic relations! To start, and as you mentioned yourself, it was just as applicable and valuable to more ‘ordinary’ relations. Simply thinking of the relations you have with people in terms of acquaintances/friends/close friends and whether the time and effort you spend is in line with your values is a powerful tool.

You mentioned the danger of limiting judgement in romance to a purely ‘sense of life’ level, and I think you struck on the biggest problem most people, myself included, have with romance! Really analyzing your own values and how they mesh, or clash, with others is vitally important in even casual friendships, and not carrying that over to romantic relationships leads, well, nowhere!

And the simplest advice of all, “doing nothing is a recipe for getting nothing!” It’s good to be reminded that identifying ourselves as Objectivists doesn’t automatically make us immune from the dangers of following our guts over our heads, or being passive! We still have to act, so thank you for your work in applying excellent principles to the actions all too many of us leave to chance!

And:

Since downloading Diana’s podcast on Finding Romantic Prospects, I’ve listened to it no less than four times. It’s so inspiring and motivational – I love it!! What’s really cool for me is that it’s about way more than finding romantic prospects (I’m married, so that’s not an issue).

I am an introvert who happily coasts along in her comfort zone by hiding in the background at social gatherings, listening to conversations without jumping in, reading email lists and blog posts without commenting, avoiding speaking with people I don’t know — kind of a more passive take on the world, more observing and less engaging. Once in a while I try to break out of my shell – and Diana’s podcast has given me great motivation to break out of my shell, take some risks, challenge myself, put myself “out there” and get out of my comfort zone! Now I’m implementing ways to push myself to be more outgoing and connected — like signing up for Toastmasters, working on my introduction emails for the OLists, approaching and talking to strangers at parties and in various settings, jumping in on OList discussions and various blogs.

Diana’s podcast is the best kick-in-the-butt I could have imagined to expand my social network, improve myself to get myself together, take control of my and get out there!! That is worth so much more than what I paid, and I’m looking forward to her next one!

And:

I found this podcast very useful in my life. I put it to work at OCON [in 2010] and found that I had Diana’s voice in my head many many many times throughout the conference. OCON was FILLED with social situations where I was surrounded by new people (I have always been an introvert when in comes to environments like that) but instead of feeling awkward, I practically instantly felt camaraderie with so many of the people there. Now I am sure a large part of this simply had to do with the nature of the people attending OCON to begin with, but whenever I was standing in conversation with a group of people, I continually would catch myself doing the things Diana points out NOT to do in this podcast and would immediately correct what I was doing. Usually this was involving my body language such as having my arms crossed in front of me when talking to people.

Additionally, I very much noticed OTHER OCON attendees putting Diana’s advice in this podcast to work as well and I took note of how effectively it worked for them too! I guess the secret is out!

Aug 042012
 

British Olympic weightlifter Zoe Smith responded to some idiotic sexist comments in a blog post on Tuesday. For all the girls who aim to be strong, they’re well worth repeating:

While we can’t get enough of the supportive messages (seriously, keep ‘em coming, I think I speak for all of us when I say my self-esteem is currently at an all-time high), what we aren’t so crazy about is the few ignorant twerps making rude comments. We did a quick search on Twitter for the title of the programme, ‘weightlifting’ and our names (it isn’t every day you’re on telly for an hour, so of course you’d be interested to see what people are thinking!), and the majority response was still very positive. But there were of course a very small percentage of idiots who seemed to have missed the entire point of the documentary. However after reading for a while it became more and more obvious that these people had never done a moment of exercise in their life, or had the intelligence of a potato.

The obvious choice of slander when talking about female weightlifting is “how unfeminine, girls shouldn’t be strong or have muscles, this is wrong”. And maybe they’re right… in the Victorian era. To think people still think like this is laughable, we’re in 2012! This may sound like a sweeping generalisation, but most of the people that do think like this seem to be chauvinistic, pigheaded blokes who feel emasculated by the fact that we, three small, fairly feminine girls, are stronger than them. Simple as that. I confronted one guy that said “we’re probably all lesbians and look like blokes”, purely to explain the fact that his opinion is invalid cause he’s a moron. And wrong. He came up with the original comeback that I should get back in the kitchen. I laughed.

As Hannah pointed out earlier, we don’t lift weights in order to look hot, especially for the likes of men like that. What makes them think that we even WANT them to find us attractive? If you do, thanks very much, we’re flattered. But if you don’t, why do you really need to voice this opinion in the first place, and what makes you think we actually give a toss that you, personally, do not find us attractive? What do you want us to do? Shall we stop weightlifting, amend our diet in order to completely get rid of our ‘manly’ muscles, and become housewives in the sheer hope that one day you will look more favourably upon us and we might actually have a shot with you?! Cause you are clearly the kindest, most attractive type of man to grace the earth with your presence.

Oh but wait, you aren’t. This may be shocking to you, but we actually would rather be attractive to people who aren’t closed-minded and ignorant. Crazy, eh?! We, as any women with an ounce of self-confidence would, prefer our men to be confident enough in themselves to not feel emasculated by the fact that we aren’t weak and feeble. And here’s some food for thought – maybe you should broaden your criteria for what you consider ‘attractive’ anyway, because these perfect, feminine women you speak of probably have no interest in you either.

What makes me sad is that some girls had this opinion too! How ironic that the title of the show was Girl Power. You’d think that young women around the same age as us would commend us for doing something different and with our lives, and putting 100% effort into it in order to make something of ourselves. But apparently we’re ‘weird’ for not constantly eating crap, binge drinking regularly and wearing the shortest, tightest dresses that the high street has to offer. Sigh…

Even better, check out what she did:

The decibel level in the weightlifting arena reached new heights as 18-year-old Zoe Smith set a British clean and jerk record of 121 kilograms in the “B” session of the women’s 58kg category on Monday. She also went for a British record in the snatch, but tensed up and missed.

That’s 266 pounds, for us Americans. WOW.

Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha