Questions on Sex and Romance

 Posted by on 19 May 2010 at 7:00 am  FormSpring, Love/Sex
May 192010

Some FormSpring Questions and Answers on sex and romance:

What is the best pick-up line to use on a rational woman such as your self?

Any man who would think of interacting with women in terms of “pick-up lines” wouldn’t get anywhere with me. Talk about something of substance in a lively way, then I might be interested. Overall, I’m definitely a “friendship-first” kind of gal.

More generally, I can’t imagine that I’d be even remotely interested in a total stranger pursuing me. That would actually be really off-putting: I wouldn’t think they were exercising good judgment to be interested in me purely from my looks. Plus, I’m too much of a weirdo (by conventional standards) to be interested in random guys.

Is exclusivity in a romantic relationship a reasonable expectation, or should I accept that I might be left for someone more suitable at any moment?

You need to know and ask for what you want in a relationship. If that something is sufficiently important to you, you need to end the relationship if you don’t get it.

It’s perfectly reasonable to ask for exclusivity in a relationship. I wouldn’t have it any other way, personally. More than that, I’m pretty firmly convinced that multiple partners (whether flings or affairs or polyamory) are psychologically destructive for everyone involved.

Moreover, if your partner might abandon you for something that seems better at the drop of a hat, that tells you something, namely that you’re not valued in the slightest by this person. You’re just a placeholder. That would be terribly degrading — and it would prevent you from seeking out a worthwhile relationship.

Can sexual acts be rational as versus irrational? If so, examples?


It would be irrational to cheat on your beloved wife (or husband) with some worthless bimbo.

It would be irrational to sleep with a person you find unattractive, uninteresting, or immoral.

It would be irrational to sleep with someone just because you’re bored or drunk.

It would be irrational to sleep with a total stranger who might be diseased or psychotic.

And so on… In all of these cases, the sex would not be a value to you — and it might even be seriously damaging. That’s irrational.

I think that questioner was asking if particular sexual acts are more or less irrational than others (vice versa with the other partner objecting to them)? E.g. Anal, bondage, pegging, etc


I’d say that a sex act definitely shouldn’t endanger life, limb, or health. It shouldn’t be seriously painful. It shouldn’t be degrading. It should be consensual.

I’d also say that it shouldn’t express a twisted psychology… but that’s somewhat harder to describe, except that such sexual acts often violate the above conditions.

I don’t see any inherent problem with anal, light bondage, sex toys, or whatnot. If you’re into them, use them — provided they’re not a distraction from the intimacy of sex. If not, then don’t bother with them.

Does morality apply to dating? In other words, is it possible for one’s choice of a romantic partner to be morally wrong?

Yes. It would be morally wrong to date Hilter, even if he brings you the nicest flowers.

Other (less extreme) examples are pretty easy to imagine. Take a look at my earlier Q&A on sex.

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