Adult Children

  • Q&A: Death Notifications via Facebook: 2 Aug 2015, Question 3
  • Question: Am I wrong to be upset that I learned of my uncle's death via Facebook? My uncle recently died. We weren't close, but I would have expected a phone call from my parents about it. Instead, I learned about his death via a Facebook status update from one of my cousins (not his child, but his niece). I've been really angry that I learned such momentous news that way, but I'm having trouble explaining why to my family. Am I wrong to be upset? If I should be upset, what's wrong with what happened? What should I say to my parents now?

    Tags: Adult Children, Communication, Death, Emotions, Family, Relationships

  • Q&A: Concealing a Relationship from Parents: 2 Aug 2015, Question 2
  • Question: Is it wrong to conceal information from my father while I live in his home? I am a 21 year old gay college student still living with my parents as I pay my own tuition and progress through college. Both of my parents know I'm gay. My mom is completely fine with it; it's a sore subject with my dad, and it's something we don't discuss. He threatened to kick me out of the house when I came out but then recanted because (I think) he's wrestling with the morality of the issue. Two months ago, I started dating a really wonderful guy. He comes over often and sometimes spends the night. My mom knows we are together; she is happy for me and approves of my relationship. I haven't told my dad for fear of being kicked out. My dad specifically told me that he "did not want that kind of activity in his home." I understand that it is his house (as well as my mom's, who doesn't have a problem with my sexuality), and I try to keep things low-key whenever my boyfriend comes over; I also try to spend as much time with him away from my home as possible. But sometimes I would just like to sit down in the comfort of my own room and watch a movie with him. I think my dad would kick me out if he ever thought there was anything going on between me and this guy he knows only as my friend. Am I obligated to tell him about our relationship? Doing so may result in me having to couch-hop until I find a suitable dwelling. It may also make it impossible for me to continue paying my own tuition, a thing I'm quite proud to be able to do. Living at home helps cut a lot of expenses to make that possible. But, is it immoral to lie to my dad about my relationship? I am planning to move out after my bills for the semester are paid and I can save up enough money to afford the down payment on an apartment or house. I will not be keeping my relationship a secret from anyone after that. But, until then, do you think it is immoral to continue lying? I do not understand or sympathize with my dad's aversion to my sexuality. He's told me once before that no one else can know, because it would bring embarrassment to him. I think that's second-handed and irrational. My sexuality has no bearing on anyone but me. Still, I feel like I have to lie to protect my own interests.

    Tags: Adult Children, Children, Ethics, Family, GLBT, Honesty, Parenting, Privacy Lies, Respect, Rules, Secrets

  • Q&A: Coming Out as an Atheist: 1 Mar 2015, Question 3
  • Question: How can I avoid coming out as an atheist to my boyfriend's parents? I'm gay and my long-time, live-in boyfriend recently came out to his parents. They are older and pretty religious, but they are doing their best to be accepting of our relationship. However, my boyfriend says that they believe that I am changing him for the worse in that he has not been as communicative and open with them because he didn't come out to them sooner and has not been sharing the progression of our relationship with them. (The whole concept of being in the closet seems completely alien to them.) But they do know our relationship is serious, so they have invited us to spend the holidays with them in order to get to know me better. My boyfriend says that they will insist that we attend church with them and has asked that I not tell them that I'm an atheist right away. I've explained to him that I am not going to lie about anything, but I am not sure how to remain true to my convictions without making things more difficult for my boyfriend and upsetting his parents. What are your suggestions for making the Christmas holidays pleasant while maintaining my integrity?

    Tags: Adult Children, Atheism, Communication, GLBT, Parenting, Privacy, Religion, Secrets, Values

  • Interview: Cheryl Hein on Parenting a Child with Disabilities: 28 Aug 2013
  • Summary: What are some of the rewards and challenges of parenting a child with disabilities? How should parents navigate family dynamics, education, and social interactions? How can parents do right by their disabled child, as well as themselves and other family members?

    Tags: Abortion, Adult Children, Children, Disability, Disability, Education, Independence, Parenting

  • Q&A: Managing Demands for Family Time: 2 Jun 2013, Question 4
  • Question: Should I limit my time away from family in deference to their cultural expectations? My family comes from a conservative Turkish background. They see the amount of independence granted me as a 19-year-old as more than enough. I see it as unsatisfactory. In fact, they feel pushed to their limit by the amount of time I ask to spend away from family on a daily basis. They believe I should not ask for any more independence, as they are already trying their hardest to accept me having even a small amount. However, what I'm allowed is very little compared to most people my age. It affects what I can do or not with my life, not just in the short-term but in the long-term too. Should I respect my family's wishes on this point, given that they are already trying their hardest within the context of their own cultural values? Or should I ask for more independence, even if that violates their beliefs?

    Tags: Adult Children, Children, Culture, Family, Honesty, Independence, Respect

  • Q&A: Arranged Marriages: 19 May 2013, Question 4
  • Question: Are arranged marriages legally and socially valid? A coworker of mine in his early 20s grew up in India. His parents have arranged his marriage to a young woman who also now lives in the US. He appreciates that his parents selected a wife for him: he doesn't want to spend the time or take the risk of finding a wife himself. Should such a marriage be considered legally valid? Is it just a marriage of convenience? Is the practice of arranged marriages immoral and/or impractical?

    Tags: Adult Children, Children, Ethics, Family, Independence, Independence, Marriage, Parenting, Relationships

  • Q&A: Parental Support of Adult Children: 2 Dec 2012, Question 2
  • Question: When should parents refuse to support their adult children? Some parents continue to support their 30-year-old and even 40-year-old adult children. Usually, these adult children are chronic screw-ups without much interest in improving their lives or even holding down a steady job. Are these parents immoral for helping the child? Are the parents contributing to his or her problems? How can the parents stop in a way that's fair to the dependent child?

    Tags: Adult Children, Independence, Parenting

  • Interview: Dr. William Dale on End-Of-Life Medical Choices: 28 Nov 2012
  • Summary: Many people struggle with difficult decisions about complex medical problems as they near the end of their lives. That time is wrenching for family too. How can people make good decisions about medical care? What mistakes should they try to avoid? How can people prepare for that future now?

    Tags: Adult Children, Communication, Conflict, Death, Emotions, Family, Health, Introspection, Law, Medicine, Rationality, Values

  • Q&A: Keeping Contact with Questionable Family: 11 Nov 2012, Question 3
  • Question: Should I keep in contact with my morally questionable and mystical father? Recently, I initiated contact with my father. I've not seen or spoken to him for most of my life. He left behind a lot of damage, and I was very hurt by that. I made amends with him, thinking that he was in recovery. However, I recently discovered his eastern mystic philosophy. Also, although he is fully recovered, he still has moral problems. Now I'm second guessing my decision. Would it be immoral for me to break off the contact with him after I've made peace with him? Should I preserve the relationship to keep my character intact? Or should I cut ties with him, on the principle that I should only maintain relationships of value to me?

    Tags: Adult Children, Alcohol/Drugs, Communication, Ethics, Family, Honesty, Moral Wrongs, Relationships

  • Q&A: Passing Genetic Diseases to Kids: 23 Sep 2012, Question 2
  • Question: Should people with severe genetic diseases take active measures to prevent passing the disease to their children? Some people have severe hereditary diseases – such as Huntington's or Multiple Sclerosis – that might be passed on to their biological children. If that happens, the child will be burdened with the disease later in life, perhaps suffering for years and dying young. Is it wrong for such people to conceive and merely hope for the best – rather than screening for the disease (and aborting if necessary), using donor eggs or sperm, or adopting? Are the parents who just hope for the best harming their future child? Are they violating their child's rights by refusing to take advantage of available technology for preventing the disease?

    Tags: Adult Children, Character, Children, Ethics, Health, Law, Medicine, Negligence, Non-identity Problem, Parenting, Rights, Torts

  • Q&A: Corporal Punishment of Kids: 24 Jun 2012, Question 1
  • Question: Is corporal punishment of children ever proper? The 2011 video of Judge William Adams beating his daughter raises the question of whether it's ever necessary or proper to physically discipline children. Does the age of the child matter, particularly given that you can't reason with younger children? Does the amount of force used matter? When does physical punishment violate the child's rights?

    Tags: Adult Children, Children, Corporal Punishment, Ethics, Honesty, Independence, Parenting, Punishment, Rights, Violence

  • Q&A: Revealing Atheism to Religious Parents: 30 Oct 2011, Question 4
  • Question: How much should I tell my parents about my beliefs, given that I'm still financially dependent on them? I'm in college, and if I told my parents that I'm an atheist, they'd probably stop paying my tuition. Should I tell them now, or wait until I'm done with college?

    Tags: Adult Children, Atheism, Ethics, Family, Honesty, Integrity, Parenting

  • Q&A: Filial Responsibility Laws: 4 Sep 2011, Question 4
  • Question: How should a person deal with filial responsibility laws? In your April 10th webcast, you discussed the morality of taking care of elderly parents. Some states have filial responsibility laws, which would force people to take care of indigent elderly parents. How should a person would cope with such laws in practice?

    Tags: Adult Children, Ethics, Family, Family, Finances, Law, Responsibility, Welfare

  • Q&A: Enablers of Destructive Siblings: 4 Sep 2011, Question 3
  • Question: What should a person do with destructive family members and their enablers? One of my brothers, diagnosed with a mental illness, is causing serious problems for my parents. My parents invited my brother to live with them. This brother is 26 years old, he does not hold a steady job, and he has been emotionally abusive and physically violent with my parents. At this point, my parents will not kick him out for fear of being hurt. I don't live at home, but I'm deeply worried for my parents. What should I do?

    Tags: Adult Children, Conflict, Ethics, Family, Family, Parenting, Relationships, Siblings

  • Q&A: Severing Ties with One's Parents: 4 Sep 2011, Question 2
  • Question: When should a person maintain a relationship with his parents – or not? When, if ever, should an adult child distance himself from his parents – or cut them off completely? Does it matter if the parent was awful years ago, but since then, he's seemed to reform his ways?

    Tags: Adult Children, Conflict, Ethics, Family, Justice, Moral Wrongs, Parenting, Relationships

  • Q&A: Common Mistakes with Parents: 4 Sep 2011, Question 1
  • Question: What are some common mistakes that adults make in dealing with their parents? Why do they make those mistakes? And how can they do better?

    Tags: Adult Children, Compromise, Conflict, Ethics, Family, Parenting, Relationships, Tolerance

  • Q&A: Moral Obligations of Children to Parents: 3 Jul 2011, Question 1
  • Question: Do kids have moral obligations to their parents? If so, what obligations and why?

    Tags: Adult Children, Children, Ethics, Family, Obligation, Parenting, Responsibility

  • Q&A: Visiting Home for the Holidays: 5 Jun 2011, Question 2
  • Question: Am I obliged to visit my family for the holidays? I'm in my mid-20s. My family expects me to return home for the holidays, i.e. for Thanksgiving or Christmas. I dislike the trouble of traveling during that hectic time. (I live across the country.) Also, I dislike the chaotic bustle at my parents' home during the holidays. I feel like I never get to spend meaningful time with anyone, and I'm stuck with people I can barely tolerate. I'd prefer to visit family I like at other times in the year. However, my parents would be extremely angry with me if I refused to come home during the holidays. They'd probably attempt to make me feel guilty for ruining their holidays. Should I just give in to their wishes? If not, how can I make them accept that I'd rather visit at some other time?

    Tags: Adult Children, Communication, Ethics, Family, Holidays, Parenting

  • Q&A: Pressure to Procreate: 10 Apr 2011, Question 4
  • Question: What do you say to parents pressuring you to have kids? Lately, my parents have been urging my wife and me to have kids. They really want grandkids, I think. So they've been dropping not-so-subtle hints to that effect. Also, they say that I'll regret not having kids, that kids are just part of being an adult, that I'll adore my own kids once I have them, and so on. What should I say in reply to those kinds of hints and comments?

    Tags: Adult Children, Children, Communication, Conflict, Family, Parenting, Parents, Relationships

  • Q&A: Obligations to Parents: 10 Apr 2011, Question 3
  • Question: Is it my responsibility to look after my parents in their old age? Should I expect to support my parents financially and/or care for them as they get older? More generally, what responsibilities do adult children have towards their parents, if any?

    Tags: Adult Children, Ethics, Family, Finances, Obligation, Parenting, Responsibility, Sacrifice, Self-Sacrifice

  • Q&A: Cutting Ties with an Abusive Parent: 14 Nov 2010, Question 3
  • Question: If you were physically abused as a child, but have grown up and "gotten over it," is it still reasonable to demand justice if only in the form of refusing to deal with the abuser?

    Tags: Adult Children, Ethics, Family, Judgment, Justice, Moral Wrongs, Parenting, Violence

  • Q&A: Irresponsible Adult Children: 31 Oct 2010, Question 5
  • Question: How would you treat an adult child who wishes to move back home after a history of poor self-control and irresponsible choices?

    Tags: Adult Children, Ethics, Family, Family, Judgment, Justice, Parenting, Rationality, Responsibility, Self-Control

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